Halo 4 Screwed Up Version
by Neptin The Sangheili
Summary: ah what should i say...random as hell and that's it Rated M for Strong Language and Mild Sexual Themes
1. The Retarded Prolouge

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Prologue**

_Hello again peoples my name is Neptin Shumabe the Sangheili and welcome the fuck back to a new book. OMG I'm sooooo excited because i have new ideas :D_

_LeTs BeGiN_

_P.S. fi ouy nac daer siht tihs ruoy a gnikcuf larutan_

_P.P.S to start off i want to give a big thank you to the people who like my stories_

Well you guys probably think that this is going to have a boring intro as always.

Well I'm here to tell you one word about that...penis.

Anyways, obviously the Backward Unto Dusk is floating in space because of fucking installation 04B fuck.

Oh, Johnson died too.

For fuck sake the black guy always dies I mean come on people that's racist.

God dammit i'm going off topic again.

Okay before all that a random interrogator is interrogating Dr. Fucking Halsey and OH MY GOD she's old as hell.

"Tell me about the children." The Interrogator said while staying in the shadows because he's a fucking pussy to not show his face on camera.

He get's mad because Halsey didn't answer the question (fucking bitch just like Cortana).

She finally replies, "You all ready know everything."

He replies, "You kidnapped them."

Then she gives this retarded explanation, "Children's minds are more easly accepting of indoctrination, their bodies are more adaptable to augmentation. The result was the ultimate fucker...I mean soldier."

Holy shit John is taller than the other technicians O_O.

Halsey continued (for fuck sake), "And because of our success, when the retarded Covenant invaded, we were ready to kick some dickless assholes."

The Interrogator replies, "You mean the Covenant? Dr. Halsey you are bending history for your favor and you know it."

Skipping time of Halsey talking too much.

Okay a CAS-class assault carrier bruzer is hovering over the human city.

Dozens of aircraft flew out of the launch bay.

Banshees spawn in the middle of the city and Sangheilis jump in the Banshees.

Humans were like WTF and ran like grandmother fuckers.

Then randomly a sangheili drives his energy sword through a fleeing civilian (dumbass).

Then randomly Spartans fall from the sky.

They land and an Elite snarls at him.

All the Spartans flipped them off.

The Sangheili didn't even know what that meant but shot at them anyways.

The Spartans returned fire too.

Halsey replies, "Nobody gave a fuck then. My work saved the human race."

The Interrogator questioned, "Do you think the Spartans' lack of basic humanity helped?"

Halsey replies, "Da faq are you after?"

Blah blah blah something about sociopathic tendencies.

"The master chief is dead." said the Interrogator.

She replies, "His file reads 'missing in action'."

Interrogator replies with a laugh, "Catherine, Spartans never die."

Then she finally replies (thank God), "You mistake is seeing Spartans as military sex toys. My Spartans are humanity's next step..."

Then she stands up in cuffs, "Our destiny (hey that's a new game coming out :D) as a species. Do not underestimate them. But most of all, do not underestimate...that green shit."

Then somehow everything goes black and you can hear the sound of everyone tripping over shit because it's so dark.

_Okay guys I tried to make this as funneh and long as possible hope you enjoyed._


	2. Chapter 1: Dusk

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 1: Dusk**

_sup my school's internet keeps being a bitch and plus since i'm a senior in high school more God damn homework so i'm trying to get to this but my popularity has gone down sooooo...i guess i'm thinking of quitting of writing or keep going on idk yet though so i'm still here for the time being :3_

Somewhere in space the Backward Unto Dusk has it's rear end torn off and now it can't shit.

Wait a second, it's a fucking piece of machinery.

I mean seriously why the hell did I type that.

Holy shit a lot of debris.

Basically it has been four years since the Dahalo Event.

When master queer blew up everything not giving a single fuck.

You can hear Cortana in the distance looping, "Mayday, mayday, mayday. We are UNSC Backward Unto Dusk. Someone fucking answer already."

Then a random orange glow starts going across the ship.

The scene changes to Cortana appearing, looking around, wonder what the fuck is going on.

Then Cortana decided to wake up chief just to piss him off.

She only did it for no apparent reason for the last few years just or fun.

Chief woke up finding out that the door is stuck.

Cortana said, "Alright Chief this is not a joke this time. Activating gravity..."

Everything that was floating fell on the floor.

Chief sighs, "Well, you have been busy. So, I ain't mad."

Cortana replies, "Holy shit really?"

Chief answers, "NO YOU FUCKING BITCH I'M PISSED!"

Cortana said happily, "Well its good to have you back."

Chief decided to kick open the cryo pod door.

Chief said to Cortana, "Let's get back to work."

She replies, "I thought you'd never ask."

Chief answers annoyed, "Well I didn't ask, but okay then."

Chief pulls Cortana out of that thing she always appears on (for fuck sake don't pressure me) and puts her in his helmet.

She replies, "We've got intrusion alerts lighting up on multiple decks. Our best bet to figure out who's boarding us is the observation deck which is four floors up."

Chief replied happily, "YAY! We got some asskicking to do :3."

The ship shakes violently.

Cortana answers, "Well it's definitely not a rescue team."

Chief was walking through several halls then a random question popped into his mind.

"How long was I out?"

Cortana answers, "4 years, seven months, ten days."

Chief replies, "What the fuck!? I'm so God damn old!"

Cortana sighs.

Chief entered the operations room.

Randomly an orange glow goes across the ship, it shook violently.

Chief questioned shockingly, "Da hell was that?"

Cortana answers quickly, "Sensor scan, high intensity! Doesn't match any known patterns!"

Chief replies, "Well, fuck!"

Chief killed a Sangheili, but I thought we were friends :,(

Chief and Cortana opened up the blast shields and OMG DAT GRAPHICS THO, but a Covenant fleet and a metal ball or planet.

I don't know where the other one is though (wink wink).

_5 seconds later (fucking hacker)._

Chief fired a missile at one of the Covenant ships.

It blows up (nooooooooooo really).

The metal planet noticed it and started scanning chief.

Cortana said, "Uh, Chief?"

Chief felt horny, "MMMMM that tickles."

The metal planet stops scanning and it opens up and everything started being pulled in.

Chief was about to do the dumbass idea and run back in the Backward Unto Dusk but he got pulled in along with the rest of the shit.

Then the title of the game appears and i'm like, "Piss."_  
_

_I hope you enjoyed. :3_


	3. 2: Another Planet To Explore and Die On

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 2: Another Planet To Explore And Die On**

_yea...i think the chapter name is kind of too long WHO CARES THIS IS FUCKING HALO SCREWED UP VERSION BABY_

_p.s. Those of you people who read this I hope you guys have played the campaign or you wouldn't have gotten any of this._

Chief crash lands in the Unknown Forerunner planet.

He survives (Chinese person moment: IMMPOSSIBLU).

After a while of being knocked out.

Chief woke up and found a dead Sangheili on top of him.

Chief pushed the Sangheili off and said, "Every time I'm always knocked out on the second level. Anyways where are we?"

Cortana replies, "Checking coordinate impact data..."

Then randomly Cortana went into rampant mode, "Chief your such a fucking faggot. You keep sucking Sangheili dick you gay bitch."

Chief pulled Cortana out of his head, shocked.

Her avatar appears under the chip Cortana's in.

"Da faq is wrong with you bra?"

Cortana back to normal replies, "I'm fine nothing to worry about."

Chief gets pissed, "Bitch, when I ask a question, you don't tell me nothing is fucking wrong."

Cortana sighs, "I was put into service eight years ago."

Chief replies, "...and your point is..."

Cortana hesitates then says, "A.I.'s deteriorate after seven Chief."

Chief replies, "...and i'm supposed to care because..."

"Chief it's not always about you!"

"Yes it is I'm the star of the game Byotch!"

"Dr. Halsey made me, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that old fucking hag. She can repair you right?"

"Yeah but just don't make a promise you can't keep."

"Okay I won't keep it."

Then finally Cortana replies, "You fucking asshole."

Then she sees two banshees and a phantom flies by in the sky (I rhymed :3).

Chief turns off her avatar (that's a movie :D ...okay i'll stop) and readies up his rifle.

_Hours later of everything...I don't know anymore._

Cortana replies, "I"m a clone of Dr. Halsey because she implanted her living tissue into me."

Chief answers, "So basically you had sex with each other."

Cortana said shocked, "What the fu- NO!"

"Well okay then."

Chief encountered the Covenant and they saw chief and the Covenant killed themselves because we already know who was going to win that fight.

"LOL" said Chief.

Cortana said to chief, "Ya know, we could always ask nicely to use their ship."

Chief answered in a low tone, "Fuck no!"

Cortana questioned, "What was the point of doing that in a low tone?"

Chief replied, "Because I felt like it bitch."

_Hours later of everything...wait...I already said that earlier._

So just because I'm a dick, I'm going to skip to the end of the level because It's all combat dialogue.

Anyways Cortana decided to access a terminal.

For some odd reason Cortana decided to be a dumb ass and let all the unknown forerunner aliens out.

Chief got all drama queen and complained that Cortana is a dumb ass.

One of the aliens roared at Chief.

He pointed his assault rifle at it and it teleported away.

All Chief said was 'pussy ass bitch'.

Cortana finally came to her senses and opened up a portal.

Chief grabbed 'that bitch' and got the fuck out.

_Okay i'll start working on the next one._


	4. 3: Forerunners Are Supposed To Be Dead

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 3: Forerunners Are Supposed To Be Dead**

_Hello and welcome back to the story_

_p.s. _no more reviews? God dammit people what do I have to do to get you guys to laugh__

__p.p.s. sorry it took so long__

Chief and Bitch teleported some the fuck where.

Oh yeah!

Their in the middle of the planet.

dsakjfkasfkakfldhkfhaslkdfja...oh sorry.

I was board.

Anyways, Chief questioned, "What the hell were those things?"

Cortana replies, "Some sort of advanced defense AIs.

Related to the Sentinels, I'm guessing, but it's hard to say without a closer look."

Chief said out of the blue, "I want one. I want it to be named Bob."

Cortana was like Da faq bro.

Chief entered a platform inside Requiem's core and a hollow sphere of gigantic proportions whatever the hell that means.

Chief walked to the console and inserted that dick, I mean Cortana.

Chief questioned, "Where is Outfinity?"

She replies, "This Requiem's Core all right, but Outfinity is not here."

Well duh their outside of the planet.

Cortana points at a hologram, "That satellite in the center is amplifying the ship's broadcasts like a relay."

Chief answers, "Can we call them."

Cortana replies, "Well those beams that are connected to the satellite is creating an interference so we can't contact them."

Chief got pissed.

"Okay I'm opening you a portal to the first pylon." said Cortana.

Chief pulled her out of the console and inserted her back into his helmet.

Chief went through the portal and appeared in a hallway.

Chief questioned, "Is the first pylon?"

Cortana started laughing, "Fuck no! You think that I would make this easy for you."

Chief pulled out Cortana's chip, threw it on the ground, and crushed it.

Then like on GTA (Grand Theft Auto) it said "Wasted" like you died or something.

Just kidding!

Chief is too much of a pussy to kill that bitch, but she did make chief teleport far away from the first pylon.

Chief got pissed (lol like he already is).

Chief saw these four legged creatures and then they ran off.

"God dammit" said Chief.

Chief keeps walking and then those four legged creatures come back and start shooting at Chief.

Chief killed them and said, "You see Cortana this is why we can't be friends."

She questioned, "Why is that?"

"Because you don't help me or give me any advice on what to do."

Cortana yelled, "I'VE BEEN HELPING YOU SINCE WE DISCOVERED DAHALO!"

"Yeah...but I'm starting to miss your annoyance."

Cortana blushed, "Aww that's sweet."

Then Chief said, "Can it bitch!"

"Asshole!"

_Minutes later._

Chief found a button and pressed it (retarded laugh: hahahaahahha).

After when Chief walked across the bridge or light bridge, God its just a mother fucking bridge.

A random "thing" jumped right on chief...you know what SPOILER ALERT it's a Promethean knight.

It roared in his face.

Chief put one hand on his face and pulled out some tic-tacs and threw them at the knight.

"Damn you need a breath mint."

Then the knight teleported away.

_Hours later._

Chief took out the two pylons after going through Prometheans and Covenant fighting for no reason what so ever.

By the way a lot of static from Outfinity, but we don't give a fuck now don't we.

Chief when through another portal.

Chief couldn't believe it...he saw the Halo: Nightfall coming to a theater near you (jk lol).

Chief saw a random ball in the middle and of course the two species fighting each other.

He made it to the pillars and put his hand on it (that's gay).

He questioned, "Outfinity! This is Sierra-117 of the UNSC Backward Unto Dusk. Do you copy?"

The random ball thing mocked Chief and it sounded distorted.

The Sphere rose and Cortana told chief to let go of the two pillars and this and that and fuck.

Chief said, "Find us and exit."

Cortana replied, "Don't wait on my account..."

By the way the nut (ball) is called Cryptum.

A thing came out of the Cryptum ship (this is getting very gay).

Hey it's a forerunner and his name is Didact.

Supposedly the Didact waved his hand around and the Prometheans (which are now fucking robots) went from blue to orange.

Chief was being held up by the Didact by some gravitational shit with his hand.

Didact said to chief with no fucking care in the world, "This tomb is now yours."

He threw chief at a wall and he fell to the floor.

Then there was a slipspace rupture and OMG SO MUCH ORANGE.

After like five minutes of Cortana trying to wake Chief up he finally woke up after getting knocked the fuck out.

Chief grabbed a ghost went through a portal.

After he went through with the ghost he almost fell off a cliff (dammit).

He's see's a big giant ship.

It's Outfinity, and after skipping a lot of shit about them founding the fucking hole that led into the planet, who cares.

The captain of the ship who is Del Rio said, "Mayday! Mayday! This is the captain of the UNSC Outfinity. Unknown entity has seized control of our ship! We're without power, and on a collision course with an unidentified Forerunner planet!"

Chief told Cortana to track its decent.

Cortana replied, "Marking. Impact predicted 77.8 kilometers due north." (damn how did I remember that)

Cryptum rose below the cliff edge, and followed Outfinity.

Cortana says, "You know where he's heading..."

Chief replies annoyed, "Yup and I have to follow it."

Then Chief kept walking and ran into the camera man.

_This was a long one *coughs* that's what she said. Thanks for reading! :DDDDDDDDDD_


	5. Chapter 4: Outfinity

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 4: Outfinity**

_Hey i'm back...again now let's do some funneh  
_

The scene opens up on a jungle (DOGE ALERT: so green) an it pans down to Chief.

Cortana says to Chief, "Stay low, recon sortie heading this way."

Phantoms and Banshees flew over John's position.

Chief turned around and saw the crashed Outfinity ship.

He saw Didact's ship "Cryptum" scanning Outfinity while Banshees fly toward the crashed ship.

Cortana replies, "The ship looks intact."

Queef I mean Chief replied, "I think the Didact wanted that way, ho!"

Lasky says over the com in a retarded voice, "Irm a Commander!"

Chief questioned, "Da faq?"

The Lasky continued, "Does anyone read?"

Chief shook it off and answered, "This is Sierra 117 of the UNSC Backward Unto Dusk. We're on station, ready to fuck."

Lasky replied, "Negative copy, sounded like you said 'Backward Unto Dusk'? Come again-"

Cortana says, "The signal is fucking up. I can't clean it up."

Chief sighs, "Lazy bitch. Anyways, light up their friend-or-foe tags; we're gonna need something to zero on in."

More banshees fly toward Outfinity (jeez calm down enemy).

Cortana continues, "I'm seeing multiple IFF tags below the tree line."

Chief questioned, "What's a IFF tag?"

Cortana replied annoyed, "You've got to be kidding!"

"No. I'm not."

Don't feel like explaining because I don't care because I'm tired of typing books, but I fucking want to.

Do you people know how it feels to not do something, but you want to do it anyways?

What the winter hell?!

I keep going of topic...yet again!

Chief makes his way down through the fog-laden jungle.

Del Rio says something, but I don't feel like typing it.

So, instead of typing that you readers are going to think about pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows and a mother fucking majestic potato. :3

Now back to the story lol.

_A few hours later fighting Promethean robots._

Chief finds a door and it opens (retard laugh heheheheh).

I already used that joke already.

... ... ... ...Okay I got one.

Chief finds a door to a Forerunner structure and it opens and along came a pink butterfly.

There we go!

Marines are revealed inside.

Three Spartan-IVs emerge and survey the area (there are more spartans now, what the geriatric fuck).

Lasky approaches Chief.

He starts off, "Afraid we're gonna have to give you an IOU on that welcome home party." (Dammit)

They shake hands.

The door closes after Palmer says to the other Spartans, "Seal 'er up."

She looks at Chief and says, "I thought you'd be taller."

Chief got horny all of a sudden, which went away when Cortana became a bitch again.

Del Rio and Lasky is talking on a radio.

Yeah, I decided to skip that part.

Anyways, Del Rio is an asshole.

He probably has an ass and a hole for a face HAHAHAHAHA! (Ba dum tiss.)

Del Rio signs off on the radio and Cortana questioned, "You were sent on a scouting run in the middle of an attack on the ship?"

Lasky replies, "The Captain thought Outfinity could provide us cover and hold off the attack at the same time."

Then Palmer who is the leader of the new generation of spartans said to Lasky, "Sir, we'll never get the wounded back to the ship on foot."

Lasky silently agrees.

Then we walked to Chief and told him about the plan that he thought up himself.

"I don't suppose you're any good at clearing LZs?"

Chief replies, "Bro, I can do anything!"

Cortana interrupts, "No your not! You can't even be social with anyone." (OOOOH that's got to hurt.)

_A few minutes of killing Prometheans later._

Chief found locked doors and inserted that di- I mean Cortana in the pedestal near the entrance.

Me annoyed with sarcasm: More Prometheans. Yaaay.

Chief questioned to Cortana, "Cortana? How close are we?"

Cortana replies in rampant mode, "YOU DO YOUR JOB AND I'LL DO MINE, YOU COCKBITE!"

Chief got over it because he was to occupied kicking some serious ass.

The doors opened and Chief grabbed Cortana and she replies, "I'm sorrt about back there. That hatch's security was more difficult than I expected."

Chief actually said something in a calm way, "It's alright."

Cortana replies and she sounds distorted, "It's not alright. Nothing about it is alright."

Chief sighs, "Jeez calm down."

Cortana was shocked that Chief discovered the Prometheans and the Covenant were working together, but we knew that was going to happen.

Fucking Forerunner religious bitches.

_Later__..._

Chief cleared the L.Z.

Chief got the fuck out of the jungle.

He got in a tank and blew shit up.

Then he went inside Outfinity.

Del Rio noticed and call Chief on the com, "Chief you pick a hell of a time to join us."

Chief replied, "Yup now get the fuck over it."

Del Rio mentioned a mantis vehicle and Chief was all like O_O

"OMG OMG OMG WHERE IS IT!"

Del Rio replied, "I don't fucking know. I may be Captain, but I just stay here in the bridge not even caring what the hell is going on."

After a few hours Chief found the Mantis (Red VS Blue moment: FRECKLES).

Chief made it outside shot at the ship that Didact was in.

He was like screw this and left.

Yay we won...for now.

_Thanks for reading :D_


	6. Chapter 5: Reclaimer Not Again

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 5: Reclaimer Not Again**

_hey what's up before you read the story i have something important to say... . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .SOMETHING...there i said it  
_

_p.s. sorry it took so long the reason was winter break_

_p.p.s. AND I WANT TO THANK Cybermat47 FOR COMPLETING "Halo: Reach Screwed Up Version" SPANK YOU SO MUCH_

_p.p.p.s. YES I WANT TO SPEAK IN CAPS BECAUSE I CAN YOU SUCK LMAO_

Captain Andrew Del Rio surveyed Requiem's surface from the window of Outfinity's bridge.

Two Broadsword fighters pass overhead, disappearing along the horizon.

He gazes around the bridge for a brief moment and walks over to the holodeck.

The hologram depicts a Pelican flying through a desert canyon.

Del Rio proceeds to address the ground teams.

Here comes that asshole with a face.

"Outfinity to Gypsy company..." said that Captain with an ass for a face.

Wait a second...Oh My God...I said Gypsy!

*runs around like a person who got his ass cut off (how does that work)*

GYPSY! GYPSY! GYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPPSSSSSYYYYY!

Okay I'm done now let's continue.

Captain Del Rio Assface continued, "The air corridor to the gravity well is blocked by a network of particle cannons."

Chief says to himself, "That explains that the cannons are blocking my internet. Now I'll never be able to upload that video of Cortana with A.I rampancy problems."

Captain Assface with shit coming out continues, "Our shields are still down. Open the lane for us to move up and provide air support."

Chief questioned, "Captain, what's Force Recon's assessment of the terrain?"

The hologram of Captain looks at him with a shit coming out of his mouth (not really but LMAO), "I know you've been of the field for awhile, Master Chief, but this is a blowthrough op. Sending in recon would slow us down." (blow...through? Why do I have sexual thoughts right now?)

The Delley Rio man continues...again, (holy whale piss, are you done yet) "Telemetry indicates are being controlled from a command post. Neutralize the targets. Outfinity out." (Oh thank the non existing dicks of the Sangheili. Just kidding! They have dicks. Their just internal. Don't ask how I know this.)

The transmission ends.

Cortana says, "I don't know about you, but I usually like a little more 'intel' with my intel..."

Chief replies, "Bitch, of course the narrator lets you speak first, and whatever you said didn't make any fucking sense.

The pelican crash lands because I'm 5 and I like explosions.

Chief survives and see's a big ass vehicle called a "Mammoth". (but it isn't furry sex)

Cortana said shocked, "Well, someone's overcompensating."

Then out of nowhere a crowd of audience starts laughing.

Everyone looked around wondering what the fuck that sound was.

Everyone shrugged it off.

Chief went on the Mammoth which is a giant big truck, time to be a redneck.(mmmm furry...wait...WHAT?!)

While in the Mammoth, Cortana has a rampancy problem again.

She sounded heavily distorted, "They don't care about you - they replaced yo ass!"

Chief replies actually calm for once, "It's okay."

She replies slightly distorted (she is still rampancy), "How da faq is this okay? How is putting you at risk because I can't hold it together? Chief, do you even understand what rampancy is? We don't just 'shut down'. Our cognitive processes begin dividing exponentially according to our total knowledge base. We literally think ourselves to death." (since this part wasn't funny I'm going to say this quote that I loved, "For the love of God and all that is holy, MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!" there we go XD)

Chief answers, "Oh good I don't have to worry about you anymore."

Just to let you know I don't give a fuck about the rest of the in-game dialogue, but we are going to the part where Captain Del Rio the movie with an ass for a face has garbled transmission when Chief and Cortana walk in a structure.

Wow...that was a long sentence...

Anyways Chief makes his way through the facility.

Chief finds a console and inserted that bitch to shut cannons down. (Yes, their were cannons mentioned in the in-game dialogue and you thought I was going to say "and inserted that dick", nope. lololooloLOLOLolololdofolsofalsagFOWWOGDALOGLOL.)

Cortana was shocked for a second, "Wait something is in here...CHIEF!" (I'm here to RAPE your soul MWAHAHAH)

Then she disappears.

Surprisingly, Chief was shocked, but for some odd reason in the game it sounded like he said it with no emotion at all, "Cortana. Cortana!"

As Chief decided to not care anymore he turns around from the console and a hard (lol hard) light bridge appears on his right leading to a door.

That's right a Big Fucking Door, or BFD for short. (lol more like big fucking DUCK...or dick which ever one works)

The BFD opened and he approached a beam of blue light.

He trips over his feet and the screen turns white, blinding the audience.

Chief held a hand up trying to see through the shrine of Requiem's artificial sun. (holy shite, it's fake?!)

A figure descends from above towards him.

Chief said shocked, "No. Nooo. NOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M NOT READY TO DIE!"

Chief regained his senses (not really), "Jesus? Is that you?"

The unknown thing said, "I am what remains of the Forerunner, once known as the Librarian. My memories were retained to assist humanity on their path to the Mantle. Though sadly, that plan is now at risk. The Didact is leaving Requiem. Soon. You must not allow it."

Chief said to himself, "Aw shit!"

The Librarian says something about Didact getting a Composer or something, but I'm not typing that much of the script.

She also says something about that the Prometheans are human. (dun dun DUUUUUUN)

Yeah he was imprisoned here so he won't destroy humanity by using the Composer.

Too bad!

Like every fucking sci-fi book out there, humanity is always threatened to be destroyed.

Anyways the Librarian is interrupted by the Didact and She gave Chief some supera powas.

Chief leaves and his body glows with energy as the Librarian accelerates his evolution. (holy shit)

Not soon after he is beset upon by Forerunner forces.

Cortana appears on a pedestal to his left.

Chief notices it and grabs Cortana and says, "Dammit! You're not dead!"

Cortana replies, "Well I'm not BYOTCH!"

cHIEF GOT THE FUCK OUT BY GOING THROUGH A PORTAL!

wAIT A SECOND...

Ooops forgot to turn off caps, I keep forgetting that sometimes.

After when Chief goes out of the portal, he spawns right in a battlefield! BATTLEFIELD! BATTLEFIELD! WOOOOO!

Got kind of carried away by listening to the song called "Battlefield" by Jordan Sparks.

Del Rio said to Chief, "About fucking time bitch! Blow up that gravity well!"

Chief grabbed a lazer pointer and pointed at the gravity well (omg I keep saying "gravity well" son of a bitch I said it again)

Then Outfinity blew the fucking gravity well.

There now here is the fucking cut scene and this fucking level will be over.

My hands are getting tired...

The cut scene begins to skip, so the gamer had to clean the disk and YAY now it works again.

The screen fades to Outfinity's ship in flight.

Then zooms into the bridge where the Master Chief (he queefed), Cortana (dat Bitch), Del Rio (shit coming out of his ass face), Lasky (can't think of something to say about him), and Palmer (someone's bitch) are just talking away. (oh great -_-)

Del Rio starts off, "Outfinity cannot handle that kind of punishment...not again."

Cortana replies, "This isn't about us or this ship anymore."

Chief answers, "Bro we've seen what the Didact is capable of. Humanity will be fucked if he leaves."

Del Rio got shit everywhere, "Look...I understand what you think you saw."

Cortana got pissed (lol), "Did you just fucking say "think" you mother fucker?! I want to beat his ass."

Chief started getting pissed, "I know what I saw you shit storm."

Literally shit was on the floor, on the ceiling and on someones lap.

That person was eating it.

Del Rio insulted Chief and Cortana by calling him an aging Spartan and his malfunctioning A.I.

He told his nav person (his face covered in shit) to start leaving the planet.

Then Cortana showed her rampancy which caused a little electronic shock wave, "I will not...allow you...to leave...this...PLANET!"

Chief sighs, "Cortana..." (wow that's all he said? really?)

Del Rio Shit Face ordered Lasky to remove the A.I.'s data chip and retire it for final dispensation.

Chief took it and put it in his helmet.

I love how Palmer says nothing...quiet bitch.

Del Rio said angrily, "Give. Me. That. God. Damn. Chip."

Chief replied, "Hell no mother fucka!"

Del Rio decided to yell, "I...am ordering you...TO SURRENDER THAT A.I.!"

Chief stands up to his face, "Fuck. You." (holy shit he just went there)

Ha ha ha, he tells Palmer to arrest him and Lasky stops him.

Then Chief told Lasky, "Get word back to Earth that trouble is coming, Cortana and I will do what we can from here."

Chief walks away and Del Rio took one final shit about the size of Antarctica.

_You better leave a review because this took me forever. PLEAAAAAASSSEE!_


	7. Chapter 6: Your Fly Is Open

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 6: Your Fly Is Open**

_Heyooo and welcome back to a new chapta_

_p.s. The _**boldness**_ in this story is me talking to my self. Just to add comedy. Hopefully it helps. By the way there will be a little of script writing with me and my brain lol that's what the _**boldness **_is for. And I put lines to separate the the story and myself._

_p.p.s. I also want to thank _Jdniscool _for being a fan of my halo screwed up series. I inspired him to make a Metroid Prime Screwed Up Version. I'm so glad I have fans. :D Thanks bro! :DDDDDDD_

The scene starts off with Cortana looking at the "sun" and yes I put fucking quotations.

Cortana says something about a lot of reasons why the sun isn't real.

Then she finally says something about I will never know that if it looks or feels real.

Chief was of course loading his weapon, like seriously who gives a flying fuck about people loading their weapons.

Cortana turns around to see Chief and says, "...before this is all over, promise me you'll figure out which one of us is the machine."

Chief replies, "That would be you dumb bitch."

Lasky trips and falls while walking in while saying, "God dammit...anyways, what's your plan?"

Chief replies, "The Didact's vessel is at a docking structure south east from here. When we get out of here you get to ditch us and go through the roof.

Anyways what I mean by Outfinity going through the roof, I mean Outfinity would go leave the planet where the opening that sucked everything in like a breathing vagina.

Yes I said "vagina", get the fuck over it ladies.

I'm a man!

I say what ever the hell I want.

This is AMURICA!

Free country...well not anymore because of the fucking laws and the President and stuff.

What the fuck, this is Halo 4 Screwed Up Version.

This story isn't about politics, it's about randomness and shit!

Okay now back to the story. :3

Lasky says, "You know I was ordered to prevent you from leaving. I ordered you a Pelican and it's outfitted for full combat pursuit."

The Pelican slowly rises behind Chief and everyone was like oh ma gurd.

Lasky continues, "By the way I'm going to hang around back here in the ship."

Chief questioned, "Why?"

Lasky scratched the back of his head, "Well, the Captain made the bridge covered in shit and it smells like...um...shit so..."

Chief interrupted, "Yeah I know."

Lasky walks away.

Didn't even say "good luck".

He's a bitch.

Cortana smiled, "C'mon, Chief. Take a girl for a ride."

Chief got horny and fucked Cortana.

* * *

**Brain: whoa, Whoa, WHOA! ****What the hell is wrong with you Neptin?**

**Neptin (me): What?**

**Brain: Dude you acting like a fucking idiot right now! First was Del Rio Shit Face, Breathing Vagina, and now Chief fucking Cortana? Where the fuck do you come up with this crap?**

**Neptin: Um.. . . . .. . . . . . .the Internet?**

**Brain: Oh okay. Keep writing.**

* * *

After when they fucked, (still can't believe I wrote that) they got in the Pelican.

They flew off. (sarcastic moment: noooooo they walked off the cliff and the laws of physics decided to not exist)

Well the Didact decided to be a pussy and cover himself with some orange shield.

So Chief had to find a way to turn it off because it's never that simple.

Anyways...well...SKIP!

Holy dick diamonds!

Well what do you know, where at the ending cut scene of this level.

GET DA FAQ OVER IT!

I'M LAZY AS FUCK!

BITCHES!

XD

LOL

GDFSGSD

DAGFEHAEJFRSGJHRTSRJSRTJH

HEFHFD

GJSGJ

SGJG

SJ

GJS

GJD

KJ

Jesus, I need to calm down...

Chief deactivated the shields of Didact's ship and decided to commit suicide. (don't ever do this people I swear to God)

He actually didn't commit suicide.

Chief spreads out his arms,(I believe I can flyyyyyy, I believe I can touch the sky) then tucks himself streamlined to fall as fast as he can.

He then spins himself upright and uses his thrusters (mmmmm what kind of thrusters) to slow and land on top of the Lich.

If you don't know what a Lich is, then it's a bigger type of vehicle that the covenant use.

You know what?

LOOK IT UP!

Just go to for more information. :3

He crashes hard into the dropship and slides off the hull; unsheathing his combat knife in the nick of time, he stabs into the plating to stop his descent.

With some effort, John climbs back on the Lich.

Chief questioned, "Da faq is happening?"

Cortana replied, "idk lol figure it out."

Above them, the Cryptum (Didact's ship) plummets into the ground.

An entry point opens up, allowing the Cryptum access.

The ground parts to reveal an enormous Forerunner flagship (JESUS H. FUCK...sorry to offend christians), surrounded by hundreds of Liches. (or Bitches HAHAHAHA...NO)

Requiem's entrance (lol what kind of entrance) portal opens up, allowing the ship to leave for orbit.(dammit)

John, still aboard the Lich, observes as the flagship opens a portal into slipspace.

Cortana replies shocked, "They're jumping into slipspace! Get below deck!"

Chief answers, "Ain't nobody got time for that."

John activates his thrusters and leaps up, taking cover behind one of the Lich's fins.

The flagship and its Lich escorts raise their shields as they approach the rupture.

After the vessels have crossed the event horizon, the portal dissolves.

Cut to black. (racist much?)

Then Bob the Promethean Knight that Chief mentioned earlier in the story pops up and says, ". . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . ."

Well you know they can't speak.

Their fucking robots.

Then he disappears like Jesus. (OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH)

ThEn FiNaLlY the level ends while you hear Chief screaming like a little girl.

_omg da faq is wrong with me...hope you enjoyed and don't for get to follow and fav and review :P _


	8. Chapter 7: Decomposer

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 7: Decomposer **

_lol the original chapter name was composer so i called it decomposer. HAHAHA! anyone? okay :,(_

_p.s. omg why do i keep keep saying sorry for the wait? i swear to God i'm a lazy piece of shit. BUT IM PROUD_

The scene starts to an asteroid belt with a large planet in the background which has no fucking name. (343 needs to name planets) A Slipspace portal suddenly appears in the foreground and the Mantle's Approach comes out, along with several Covenant remnant Liches (bitches) and Danny Phantoms.

They all move away from the asteroid belt and did I forget they destroyed that astroid belt. (Asteroid Racism invented)

Cut to John Queef (which is Chief), under cover in one of the last Liches. (BITCHES! WHERE ARE MY BITCHES$$$$$$$$$$jejsjenkelsmwmem)

The shields protecting the ship from Slipspace fade away. (Like Jesus *chorus sings like a majestic fucking eagle*)

That's when Chief found out that there is a fucking station is under attack.

SPOILER ALERT everyone dies on that station :)

Humans always die in sci-fi stuff anyways.

Because they fuck up.

And when they fuck up, they die. (dumbasses)

Why should I give a shit?

Because I don't.

Now lets continue. :3

Chief made inside the Lich. (BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH :3)

He also took out all of the Elites piloting it.

He inserted Cortini tiny bitch and said, "This is Master Chief to base, do you read?"

Randomly and old fag...I mean hag spoke, "Yes! I hear you! This is Sandy Tillson of Fuckoff Station! We're under attack!"

Chief thought to himself, "More retarded names. Of course."

He continued "They're after a Forerunner artifact you took from the Gaylo ring."

WAIT...WAIT...hold on.

I thought it was Dahalo, ah whatever.

g adsfgfdgdsgasd fs dsag g a dghf ah f j fah adf shj afj hfg h dfj h hj f hd sfh da hf dh fdh a re gtqe rgtwer gtf qergf q gt qwer tewq ttweq gtw qgt weqtwet ewq tgr egt trhjukuit;lo8lui l oil. uti lkytu ky ukjyte j 56wh56ygt34qtr324gt t4hg2 r3gt q34t32qtr413523634564 26 6 266 56 y7 624 65

STOP IT NEPTIN!

Okay now back to the story before this chapter goes to hell. (it already has *evil laughter*)

Dr. Tillson replied shocked, "How do you know that?"

Chief replied, "No time bitch! Protect the artifact until we arrive."

Dr. Tillson "dat old fuck" was about to say something, but Cortana decided to be a bitch.

Of course she can't help it because of her rampancy.

But we all use excuses.

Right?

Anyone?

Okay. :,(

Cortana says in a high pitched and distorted, "Do you know what that condescending bitch said to me after our first game of chess?"

Chief questioned, "What's chess?

She continues da faq bruh, "Even I don't call him by name anymore."

A red signal flashes on a fucking screen as the Lich (Bitch) flies toward the station on a collision course.

Chief decided to say, "Um Cortana? You need to correct your approach."

Cortana who didn't even listen to him said, "Yes, well he also said he works better alone."

The Lich flies dangerously close to the station with no deceleration.

The red signal continues to flash like a wet dick filled with soooooo much cum.

Probably a Sangheili's (Elite's) dick.

Why, why, WHHHHHHHHHHHHY DO I KEEP WRITING DISTURBING SHIT!

Anyways, she continues being a rotten egg bitch in the asshole.

Then the Lich crashed.

Later... . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. / / / / / '/.f 'f b/rf .b/.f/db. /vb/f.b. . . .s/dg.g

Chief wakes up and hears Cortana saying, "I'm sorry- I just… can't stop them!"

Chief get's up while his HUD flickers.

She continues, "It's like a thousand of me arguing all at once!"

Chief decides to say, "You must be having a gang bang with yourself."

He grabs his assault rifle, and his HUD clears up.

He questioned, "Doctor Tillson, are you there?"

She replied, "Oh, thank God! When your signal cut off I di-"

He ordered "Doctor, listen to me. You have to issue the order to evacuate the station."

"We've been trying! The Covenant… they've already taken over the landing bays!"

"Send me your coordinates. I'll see what I can do about clearing an evac route on my way to you."

John runs to the end of the landing bay then he came, where there are several supplies in crates then he came.

As he approaches the exit, the doors open while he came again.

A security guard, wielding a Sticky (lol) Detonator, is thrown violently against the wall as projectiles from a Needler kills him it "came" everywhere.

The explosive from the Sticky Detonator detonates, killing two Kig-yar (jackels) at the end of the hallway. (did I forget to mention that the Kig-yar came two)

John runs down the hallway and around some corners, arriving at another doorway.

It opens to a hangar.

That's right a hanger ooooooooooooooooohhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

A security guard is jumped by a Kig-yar and fucks the life out of the poor human.

Two scientists run past, attempting to escape.

You could hear one of the scientist say, "They're killing everyone!"

Well no shit.

I thought they were going to give us a bouquet of flowers and say yaaaaaaay let's have cross-species.

Oh Jesus no, not like the Mass Effect series.

Wait, this is Halo.

*annoyed face* Keep going off story, sorry guys.

Anyways chief finds the Decomposer and grabs a Mantis (Freckles), teabags a dead marine and defends the mother fucking Decomposer.

After he defended the Decomposer he decided to go back up to the elevator that I didn't even mention how he got down to the floor where the Decomposer is.

Chief starts the shitty looking elevator and Didact's ship takes the Decomposer while destroying the elevator.

So now the fucking elevator is stuck.

Chief ordered, "Bitch, I need you to raise Tillson and get me a status on the rest of the station."

Chief's HUD begins to flicker.

Cortana said shocked, "I can't believe he did that."

Chief yelled, "Hey fuckhead! I need that info!"

Cortana decided to be silent.

He sighs, calm for once, "Look…don't think about the Didact, don't think about the Decomposer. Only focus on finding me Tillson."

Cortana decided to be technical and shit, "Tillson, Sandra K. Female. 51 years of age. Doctor of Archaeology. A Prostitute...

Then the elevator somehow fixed itself and Cortana said, ""Got her. Biosignature stable on 350-level, B-deck."

Chief said nicely, "Thank you and fuck you Cortana."

Chief finds Tillson and Everyone sees the Decomposer charging up its cannons.

The Decomposer fires.

The scientists stagger from the blow, their skin already starting to flake off into units of data.

They all begin to collapse.

The camera "came" to a closeup on Tillson.

She screams in pain as her skin, muscles, and skeletal system are broken down into orange flakes of data.

Chief is unaffected, though his armor flickers orange as he collapses on the floor and blacks out while cumming.

He awakens sometime later, the staff now reduced to ashes. (little kid: HAHA)

Cortana is sitting on the pedestal, forlorn.

Vapor is rising from John's armor, as well as the ash piles that are all that remain of the scientists.

He wakes up, looks around, and gets up onto one knee and asks her to marry her.

Just kidding, that never really happened.

Cortana looks up at him, "Are you okay?"

Chief who didn't give a fuck gets up and says, "We need to move."

Cortana is very sad, "These people are gone."

Chief who still doesn't give a fuck says, "And more will follow if the Didact reaches Earth."

Cortana decides to change the subject, "They will pair you with another AI. Maybe even another Cortana model if Halsey lets them."

Chief looks at cortana, "Fuck no! I'm not dealing with another A.I. bitch.

She says, "You know it won't be me, right?"

Chief actually decided to stay silent for once.

Cortana got a Broadsword fighter and Chief got in it and they took off.

Yeah this chapter went to hell.

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ! ! ! !

_THANKS FOR READING I know "NEPTIN what took you so long" blame school_


	9. Chapter 8: Good Morning

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Chapter 8: Good Morning**

_Sup bitches we are not done yet we still have the Epilogue. So let's get started._

Screen fades to the Didact's shit ship with Chief speeding up behind him.

Camera changes into the cockpit of the Broadsword because it's always about chiefy mcchief chief.

Cortana starts off, "Approaching the Didact's ship in two hundred kilometers."

All chief said was "k".

Cortana said, "Wait, you don't want to know the details?"

Chief replied, "Nope just need to kill something."

Didact's ship begins to open a slipspace portal.

The hole is about the size of a whale vagina.

Don't ask how I know what a whale vagina looks like.

Because I don't fucking know.

Anyways Cortana says, "The fighter's shields aren't rated for slipspace!"

Chief said, "but the Didact's are."

Chief boosts to the Didact's ship and gets below the ships shield just in time before the Didact's ship enters slipspace and let me tell you I like cereal.

"Well...that...was...um...random", says the Readers who are fucking reading this shit.

Since part this level is going to be skipped, I'm just going to give a nice, clean, beautiful, summary of this part. (that part was all sarcasm, because you all know me)

The reason why I'm skipping the flying of the ship part is because it's all talk and explosions and shit.

So anyways Chief exploded something and made a hole and went through it.

I just realized how weird that sounded.

By the way the ship crashed.

At least they made it in Didact's ship.

Chief walks out of the Crashed ship.

"Now what do we do?", questioned Cortana.

He turns around and carefully removes the warhead from the missile. He then locks it onto the back of his armor and grabs his assault rifle.

Then he says, "Plan Z."

I guess all of his other ideas sucked.

Chief decides heads down a tunnel.

Moments later his HUD tints purple and begins to flicker with static.

Cortana's image appears on a side screen.

Multiple way points are listed on Chief's HUD. (Cortana quit confusing the fuck out of Chief)

Cortana voice started squeaking (OMG fuck you squeaker) and distorting, "Chief, I know what I'm supposed to do, but..."

Chief snaps back, "...but nothing bitch! We have to deploy the warhead manually. Where and how or how and where?"

Cortana complains, "I always know what to do. I **always** know what to do! ...just give me a sec..."

_5 millennium years later..._

Everyone dies, the end.

Just kidding.

Laughing out loud I'm funny.

Anyways, Queef said, "I'm queefing! ! !"

DA FAQ

Chief said, "Keep scanning for the Composer. We'll figure it out along the way."

Okay, there we go. :)

Chief killed a lot of Promethean fucktards.

Anyways, I decided to skip a part where chief is fighting the Forerunner robots.

Okay, so now we are at the part where Chief put Cortana in a terminal, and Cortana decides to make copies of herself to put it into the terminal to lower the shields that Didact is hiding in. (fucking cow moooooooooooooooooooooooo)

After killing a few more Prometheans, Chief put Cortana into another terminal and she did the same thing and she will do it to the next five thousand.

Yeah that part was the most boring part lol.

After that happened, Chief inserted that BLEEP into the terminal.

Then Didact said, "And yet, still you fail."

With a wave of his hand like a gay person, the Composer activates and fires at Earth, seen above.

The beam strikes in the North American southwest. (this totally didn't come from the script...)

Didact rises into the beam itself, while enormous energy from it is seen surging below the machine.

Cortana turns to face John.

John tries to retrieve her but the terminal suddenly disintegrates, knocking John away and draining his shields.

He yelled, actually caring, "Cortana!"

Chief runs to a platform and reaches the gravity lift at the end and is lifted to the light bridge.

He runs down it to reach the machine at the end.

GOD I'M SICKEN TIRED OF ALL THESE HE'S!

Chief cautiously walks down the bridge, keeping an eye out for the Didact.

Looking into the beam, he sees the Didact inside vanish.

He continues to walk forward, then turns and aims his BR85 Heavy Barrel Service Rifle (yes it's a Battle Rifle, sorry for being a technical bitch) when he hears the Didact speak.

"You persist too long after your own defeat.", said the Dick Forerunner. (which is Didact)

John levels his weapon, but can't see the Didact anywhere.

Seemingly alone, he cautiously backs away then continues down the bridge.

Behind him, the Didact floats down. (ONLY JESUS CAN DO THAT)

He continues, "Come then, Warrior. Have your resolution."

Good God does all Forerunners have to speak like a lil bitch just like Sangheili?

He turns to fire on him but the Didact telekinetically bats him away. (Wait, that's satanic shit)

Chief's battle rifle falls off the bridge and the nuke falls toward the end of it.

He skids to a stop, turns to look at the Didact, then at the nuke.

He charges toward the latter, but the Didact again telekinetically stops his lunge. (HE'S THE DEMON *dies)

The Forerunner lifts him midair and floats John towards him, removing his own helmet as he does so without even touching his face. O_O

"So misguided."

The Didact floats Chief off the edge of the bridge.

He is unable to do anything to free himself.

His shield flickers from the constraint. (through this whole time, I thought it was going to be a rape scene)

"Humanity's imprisonment is a kindness." ,says the Didact...again.

He tightens his fist, and Chief begins to choke and started cumming.

Hearing a strange whispering (Sloth: RAPE), the Didact looks and sees multiple Cortanas rising from his light bridge. (hey no wonder why cortana said it was like a thousand of her arguing at once)

The gang bang Cortanas said, "In that case, you won't mind if we return the favor."

Didact replies, "Your compassion for mankind is misplaced."

The gang bang says, "I'm not doing this for mankind."

The gang bang leap into his armor and form chains of light that hold down his arms. (oh *licks lips* I know where this is going)

The Didact loses his grip on Chief, who falls and manages to catch the edge of the light bridge.

He looks up and wishes he was gang banged.

Chief struggles to climb up the edge.

His shields are down and don't recharge.

After looking down at the Composer's slipspace energy below, he pulls himself up and pulls out a Pulse Grenade. (up the ass, up the ass, UP THE ASS)

The Didact is still struggling to free himself.

John dashes toward him and plants the grenade on his chest.

The Didact breaks free and punches him away at that moment, but the chains still impede his legs, keeping him from reaching John.

The Didact again strangles John using the constraint field, and the Spartan is about to lose his breath when the pulse grenade detonates.

The Didact reels from the blast and falls off the bridge, dropping into the swirling energy below.

Chief looks down after him then groans as he crawls to the HAVOK bomb. (oh man I wanted to see some action :3)

He tires and eventually can only pull himself with his arms.

Grabbing the nuke and priming it, he looks up at the beam firing on Earth and decides there's no time to escape.

With a loud cry, Chief punches the bomb to make it immediately explode. (no shit, I though confetti was going to come out)

You can hear a loud explosion while Tourettes Guy yells, "HOLY FUCK!"

...

...

...

But, wait.

Chief didn't fucking die.

He comes (lol cum) to inside a purple bubble, which seems to be made out of hard (lol hard) light.

He looks around him then stands on his feet.

Chief says, "Cortana? Cortana, do you read? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!"

Cortana appears...she is at human height instead of midget sized.

She replies, "Jesus Christ, I'm here!"

The two of them walks toward each other. (THIS IS ROMANCE FORMING PEOPLE)

Too early...okay :(

Chief questioned, "How?"

She replies, "Oh, I'm the strangest thing you've seen all day?"

He answers, "Okay, well. How the hell do we get out of here?"

Cortana hesitates, "I'm...not coming with you this time."

Chief's boner softened, "What?"

"Most of me is down there. I only held enough back to get you off the ship."

Chief struggles, "No. That's not-! We go together. Now get yo ass in my helmet!"

"It's already done."

Chief admits, "I'm not leaving you here. Even all the times we had together. I called you a bitch, you call me a green shit. We've been through a lot together."

She whispers, "John..."

Cortana walks up to him and touches his breastplate. (really? no fucking kiss?)

The spot glows in response.

She sighs, "I've waited so long to do that."

John looks away, "It was my job to take care of you." (awwww *vomits* i hate writing romance)

"We were supposed to take care of each other. And we did."

John looks up.

Cortana is smiling sadly. (how da faq is that possible)

Chief said feeling sad for the first time, "Cortana, please."

Cortana begins to back away, out of the bubble.

Chief yelled, "Wait!"

Her final words, "Welcome home you fucking piece of cunt ass licking sack of shit."

Cortana steps out of the bubble and vanishes forever.

John who is staring at where she was, and as the Didact's ship crumbles around him.

The camera fades to white, then cut to black. (racist much?)

_For some odd reason I felt like laughing and crying at the same time when I wrote this. Coming up next, the Epilogue. I might even post it the next day. THANKS FOR READING! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !_


	10. The Retarded Epilogue

**Halo 4 Screwed Up Version**

**Epilogue**

_THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE HALO SCREWED UP SERIES (for now) STARTS NOW_

John (Chief) is depressed and committed suicide.

lollolololoolololololoololololololololololol

Just fucking kidding, Jesus people.

John is in debris field left of the Mantle's Approach, gradually coming into focus.

He is floating above Earth, not moving at all. (told ya he fucking died)

A searchlight shines on John's body, who looks up slowly to see an approaching Pelican. (dammit I thought he died)

The Pelican Pilot said, "Infinity, we found that green shit."

The Pelican's back door opens.

QUICK SCENE CHANGE!

Now aboard the Infinity, where SPARTAN-IVs and Marines stand in formation to await Master Chief.

They turn and salute as John steps out of the Pelican.

John got his middle fingers ready and flipped them all off.

Later, Chief is standing at a window, looking down at Earth below.

Thomas the Tank Engine Lasky comes from behind. (that sounded so wrong)

He's starts off, "Mind if I join you."

John (Chief) turns to see him and says, "Yeah sure...uh sir."

Lasky replies, "At ease, Chief. It feels kind of odd for you to call me Sir."

They both stand there in awkward silence. (yes I added the word awkward just for fun :3)

Lasky gets annoyed, "Okay, I'm sorry that Cortana died. Now get the fuck over it. Soldiers aren't machines, we are just people."

Lasky storms off.

Chief's final words for Halo 4 Screwed Up Version, "She said that to me once...about being a machine. JESUS H. FUCK! NEPTIN YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDED!"

Then I killed everyone because I'm a dick MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Holy shit they all survived?!

WTF?!

Since I don't want to write an explanation about New Phoenix and Didact speaking in the fucking backround, I'm going to skip to where they take off chief's helmet.

HE IS OLD AS FUUUUUUCK! *vomits up blood* *dies*

_Okay that's is the end of Halo 4 Screwed Up version thank you so much for reading Plez leave a review and favorite and follow and I hope you enjoyed love ya :3_


End file.
